Ever since I heard the news of my friend's death, I've done nothing except mourn her loss. Most of it triggered by guilt. I was torturing myself thinking about what I could have done different, why didn't I do more? And was in constant regret for not having the courage to seek my friend out during her ordeal to tell her how much I loved her. It was affecting my whole life; my children were stressed to see their mom crying all the time, my husband perplexed because he couldn't understand why I wanted her alive after all the pain and suffering she was going through, and my body suffered because I had even stopped sleeping. I prayed to G-d for forgiveness. But the guilt wouldn't go away! The pain of her loss either. Yesterday, I wrote without reservations everything I was feeling; I let it all out; hence the reason why the story Loosing a friend seems to be very emotional. Right after I finish writing (and crying my eyes out), I decided to pick up a book that has been laying around my bookshelf for quite some time. It was, as if, it was calling out to me; I say that because I am actually reading another book right now, and never planned to read anything else until I was finished with that one. But I listen to my "instintcs", (I call it instincts because I dare not call it something else) and went into a quiet spot of my home and started reading the Introduction of this particular book that had "called out to me".
By the middle of the reading I was already very interested in the subject. Little did I know that what I was about to read would change my whole perspective and bring such a surprising reaction to my mind, spirit and soul. The author was speaking on a completely unrelated subject, but decided to use a peculiar analogy as an example to prove his point. It was that analogy that he used, what changed everything for me; to my surprise it dealt exactly with my own personal issues, doubts and regrets. If you read my previous blog Loosing a friend you would understand my point.
I want to share with everyone what my eyes were reading, my brain registering, and my soul receiving. It began my healing process....
This is what I read -
'Consider this analogy. When we are first becoming acquainted with another person, recognition of that person is based on physical appearance. Lacking any experience with the thoughts and feelings of the new acquaintance, we have no firmly grounded expectations. We may have hopes and fears concerning the new person who has come into our lives, but we do not yet have trust.
As time passes and the relationship grows, we begin to know our new friend's mind and heart. We begin to "see" this person with our spiritual eyes as well as our physical senses. This may take place over a period of years. We may see our friend every day, or perhaps only less frequently, but once the relantionship has passed a certain point face-to-face contact becomes less important. Long separations may take place with no effect on the relationship. We may miss seeing our friend, but this is really the absence of a physical experience, because in truth we are deprived only at the level of our physical senses. The emotional and spiritual bond that has formed is not affected by absence, because it exists beyond the dimension of physical experience. Our friend's mind and heart remains interwoven with our own, unchanged.
Excerpt from the book - The Essential Zohar
by: Rav P.S. Berg
After reading this I realized. Our friendship never changed; we had been separated by time and distance yes, but that was only in the physical aspects of the relationship. Our frienship existed beyond time and space, it existed in the heart....and that had never been altered.
And now the healing begins......
Happy Birthday Priscilla! What an awesome birthday gift! To be with the Holy One; whole and complete.
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