Being a Mommie has it's perks...

Last Friday (August 15) my children woke up, and as soon as they did, the nagging and complaining began; because they were hungry, they wanted to go to the pool, they didn't want to brush their teeth, yada!! yada!!.....sigh! And so began my day, just like any other day. As I am getting busy in the kitchen fixing their breakfast, Adrian asks me, like he always does, every single morning: " Mom, what day is today?" - So, like I always do, I said "today is Friday baby" - He turned to look at me and tells me: " but Friday is supposed to be your birthday" I just looked at him and smiled. His eyes got open wide, and he squeeled: "today is your birthday" !!! And all of a sudden dissapeared. As usual he went running to his big sister to give her the news.

As the morning went by, I noticed Tiffany was too quiet, so I went to check up on her, and saw her very busy doing something in her room. Occassionally, she would come by to ask for paper, or scissors, and even string??

Just before noon she came into my bedroom with an accomplished look on her face. She said: "Happy Birthday Momma (that's how she likes to call me, I don't know why), I made something for you" She then handed me her masterpiece, what she had been quietly working on all morning long. I already had my suspicions that she was making a b-day card; so I smiled and decided to read it and "over react" with surprise and happiness, just to see her delighted face while I did so. But this time, she really caught me by surprise...

It was a six page, handmade book; all of the pages attached with string!! It was a beautifully decorated book, that had a picture on side of each page, and written text on the other side. A compilation of sorts of all the reasons why she loves me. I was in shock and amazement. She is a very creative and skilfull little artist, but her sincerity and effort blew me away this time. It is by far, the best b-day gift I have ever received. I want to share what Tiffany wrote on each page of her book:

Page 1 - Mom, I love you cuz you are like a super hero to me!!

Page 2 - Mom, I like about you that you make some good pancakes, that are sooo good. I love that about you!!

Page 3 - Mom, I love about you that you take us to the pool!

Page 4 - Mom, I like it when you smile at me, it makes me feel special! ( this one is my favorite)

Page 5 - Mom, you are the best!!!

Page 6 - drawing of the whole family at the beach....

As my eyes filled with tears, I realized that - It's little things like these that make it all worth while. It made me realize that to someone, I am very special and appreciated even if they don't say it often. As I hugged her and kissed her, I thanked her for her beautiful gift, and for making feel so special and happy on that day.

It's moments like these that I appreciate the life I've been given; they give me a boost, a jump start to go on living another year of a very special, little someone's life.

Finally, words that brought Peace and Comfort to my Soul

Ever since I heard the news of my friend's death, I've done nothing except mourn her loss. Most of it triggered by guilt. I was torturing myself thinking about what I could have done different, why didn't I do more? And was in constant regret for not having the courage to seek my friend out during her ordeal to tell her how much I loved her. It was affecting my whole life; my children were stressed to see their mom crying all the time, my husband perplexed because he couldn't understand why I wanted her alive after all the pain and suffering she was going through, and my body suffered because I had even stopped sleeping. I prayed to G-d for forgiveness. But the guilt wouldn't go away! The pain of her loss either. Yesterday, I wrote without reservations everything I was feeling; I let it all out; hence the reason why the story Loosing a friend seems to be very emotional. Right after I finish writing (and crying my eyes out), I decided to pick up a book that has been laying around my bookshelf for quite some time. It was, as if, it was calling out to me; I say that because I am actually reading another book right now, and never planned to read anything else until I was finished with that one. But I listen to my "instintcs", (I call it instincts because I dare not call it something else) and went into a quiet spot of my home and started reading the Introduction of this particular book that had "called out to me".

By the middle of the reading I was already very interested in the subject. Little did I know that what I was about to read would change my whole perspective and bring such a surprising reaction to my mind, spirit and soul. The author was speaking on a completely unrelated subject, but decided to use a peculiar analogy as an example to prove his point. It was that analogy that he used, what changed everything for me; to my surprise it dealt exactly with my own personal issues, doubts and regrets. If you read my previous blog Loosing a friend you would understand my point.

I want to share with everyone what my eyes were reading, my brain registering, and my soul receiving. It began my healing process....

This is what I read -

'Consider this analogy. When we are first becoming acquainted with another person, recognition of that person is based on physical appearance. Lacking any experience with the thoughts and feelings of the new acquaintance, we have no firmly grounded expectations. We may have hopes and fears concerning the new person who has come into our lives, but we do not yet have trust.

As time passes and the relationship grows, we begin to know our new friend's mind and heart. We begin to "see" this person with our spiritual eyes as well as our physical senses. This may take place over a period of years. We may see our friend every day, or perhaps only less frequently, but once the relantionship has passed a certain point face-to-face contact becomes less important. Long separations may take place with no effect on the relationship. We may miss seeing our friend, but this is really the absence of a physical experience, because in truth we are deprived only at the level of our physical senses. The emotional and spiritual bond that has formed is not affected by absence, because it exists beyond the dimension of physical experience. Our friend's mind and heart remains interwoven with our own, unchanged.

Excerpt from the book - The Essential Zohar

by: Rav P.S. Berg

After reading this I realized. Our friendship never changed; we had been separated by time and distance yes, but that was only in the physical aspects of the relationship. Our frienship existed beyond time and space, it existed in the heart....and that had never been altered.

And now the healing begins......

Happy Birthday Priscilla! What an awesome birthday gift! To be with the Holy One; whole and complete.

One last goodbye to my friend....

Priscilla, my sister, my friend...I thank the Holy One for the privilege of having been part of your life.

Even, as brief as it was.
Prisci, I loved you so much my dear friend. How many wonderful memories we had; but now they only provoke in me sadness and melancholy.
Priscilla, thank you for opening the doors to your heart open wide, thank you for your love and trust, for the beautiful memories, our happy moments of laughter and joy, and for our sad moments as well, that kept us together.
Prisci, you were always a great example to my life; it didn’t matter how much suffering, betrayals, and loss you suffered, you always maintained a positive and happy attitude. Your strength amidst adversity served as an inspiration and strength to my own life. I was always amazed by your joy and happiness.
The image of your smile will be forever engraved in my memory.
Priscilla, I am so sorry that I could not see you one last time. Writing this note is a miserable and failed attempt to repay for the absence and the distance, it serves only as one last good bye from the depths of my soul.
Prisci, although I receive comfort by the fact that you no longer suffer, that your courage and bravery won this fight, and that right now you are in Heaven with the Holy One; I confess that this fastidious and existential humanity on mine, selfishly wants to be able to have another chance to see you alive to tell you how much I loved you face to face.
Sadly, we can never control Life, only G-d knows the last minutes of our lives; my only choice is to remember you as you were, and hope to see you again someday.
On Saturday the 16th of August 2008, we all lost a great friend, a sister, a fighter, and a champion….but Heaven gained a beautiful soul.
It was on that day, we all suffered and mourned for your loss….it was that same day that in Heaven, HaShem and His Hosts celebrated with joy and happiness the arrival of a beautiful and precious soul.
Priscilla, my sister, my friend...I thank the Holy One for the privilege of being part of your life.
Prisci, I love you, I loved you, and will Always Love You…and hope with all my heart that one day I will see your beautiful smile again.

Written Sunday, August 17th, 2008 in Spanish. Read at the Funeral on Monday, August 18th, 2008.

Loosing a friend...

My birthday is August 15. That means last Friday I was celebrating my 36th birthday. I did nothing out of the ordinary; it was a quiet and uneventful day. My husband got back from work with a dozen red roses, and later took me out to dinner. I went to Shul the next morning (August 16th) for our Shabbat service and practically spent the day there. That night after we arrived home, and Shabbat was over, I decided to check my emails, and my Facebook page, as usual.

The next thing I saw would stay in my memory for the rest of my life. I found several emails, all giving me the news that my friend had passed away.

Her name was Priscilla, tomorrow would have been her 39th birthday, and just as beautiful as her name, so was she. I knew her since childhood, but we really became close friends, 13 years ago, while working at the same TV Station. It wasn't love at first sight; she intimidated me, she would always seem serious and unfriendly. Even though I knew her for years, I never dared approach her, thinking she didn't like me. I do not recall how it happened, but all of a sudden, we became best friends. Priscilla turned out to be the strongest yet sweetest person I ever knew in my life; she had lived a lifetime by her early twenties already. She had been painfully betrayed during her first marriage, lost her mother, and had to live on her own while taking care of her estranged brother's daughter. One thing that always amazed me about her, was the fact that no matter how hard life was treating her, she always had a possitive attitude, a beautiful smile, and great hopes for the future. She became an inspiration to my life....

After a couple of years of being the greatest of friends, I found love. I immediately asked her to be my bridesmaid, and she happily said yes! Yet, the day of the wedding came and she never showed up. Turns out, she had a wardrobe malfunction at the last minute and was too heartbroken to tell me. I remember it like if it was still today, as soon as I saw her after my honeymoon was over, I hugged her and kissed her, and assured her I was never upset at her. She was my friend! My best buddy! How could I get angry?

Time passed and I dedicated myself more and more to my husband and family, and less time to my friend; as time passed, she found other great friends to keep her company and fill her life with joy and happiness in the midst of so much hardship and suffering.

It was 6 years ago since I had last seen my friend Priscilla. I quit my job, went back to College, and later dedicated myself to homeschooling. She lived in Puerto Rico, and I live in Florida; in short, we lost communication.

Last January, I received the visit of good friends from my old job at the TV Station; to my horror I heard the news of Priscilla's illness. She had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It was during that turmoil in her life that she also found love...or love found her....

She married a wonderful young man, who promised to take care of her, even while knowing she ill. Marriage seemed to work wonders on her at first, and her cancer went into remission. By the end of last year, things seemed to get better and better, and to make things more perfect she finally hears the news she had been waiting for her whole life - Congratulations! You're pregnant! ...I can just imagine her laughter and beautiful smile at the moment she heard that news!

Sadly, life never seemed to treat her fair, and soon Priscilla was also facing another hard truth; her cancer had spread to her brain; the doctors found a malignant tumor behind one of her eyes, a location where it is impossible to operate. Again, she had to face the horror of losing someone, this time her own baby due to the Chemotherapy.

I always checked on her, and would ask friends about her health and progress. Some days the news were comforting, some days the news were terrifying. But I never seemed to have the courage of speaking directly to her...I was afraid to approach her at such a delicate timing; what would I say? What would she do? Will she let me in, or would she turn me away?

I was stupid enough to think that she might actually be unhappy to hear from me, after all those years of silence. So I resorted to only sending her messages of comfort and hope through my friends...what a coward I was! what a pathetic way of showing I cared!

On August 15, as I was having a nice dinner at a restaurant with my husband and children, Priscilla was asking her husband to take her to the hospital. She could not take it anymore, the pain and suffering were more than her strong willed body, mind, and soul could bear.

She was able to say good bye to the love of her life...and on Saturday, she gave away her soul and spirit to the Creator.

What had I done! I was such a coward, an irresponsible friend, and now she was gone! How can I let her know how much she meant to me, how can I tell her what a great inspiration she had been to my life, how could I tell her now that I loved her with all my heart!?

I never did it when I had the chance, and now, it is too late for me to do what I should've done. I do know for sure, now of course, that if I had made that call, I would not have been turned away, I would have been received with the same joy she always did while she was my friend. I do not consider myself to have been her friend at all, I failed at that job miserably. I do consider her to be MY friend, she always was, and she will always be.....

I did write her a good bye letter that was read at her funeral. But that was just a pathetic attempt to reconcile my own conscience, dealing with my own guilt.

Lesson learned here?

We CANNOT take our LIFE nor our FRIENDS for granted. Because you never know for how long you are going to have either...

Introduction of a Life Less than Ordinary

I will begin this blog by writing a little about myself. I am 36 yrs old. I am a mother and a wife. I have two beautiful children, and I'm not just saying that because I am their mother, they actually are great looking kids! My children are: Tiffany Leilani who is 9 1/2 yrs old and Adrian Nathaniel who turns 8 in October. I also happen to be a: housewife/general manager / accountant/ educator/ nurse. I was born in New York from Puertorican - Jewish parents, and was raised in the Island of Puerto Rico; I went to school, got married and had my children there. And for the past 3 years have been living in Florida.

I am a religious Jew - that means I keep Shabbat, and celebrate Chanukkah instead of Christmas. I go to Shul (Synagogue) every Saturday with my husband and children, and keep a Kosher lifestyle. My husband and I are part of a small music group; we play Religious music with an Acoustic / Sephardic style.

I love to read! I read anything from Sherlock Holmes and Lord of the Rings to Dean Koontz, but I mostly read religion books centered on Judaism. I also like to write, even though I'm not very good at it.

I went to College 3 times!!! Yes, I'm a college freak. The first time was fresh out of High School, where I started Microbiology, but that was a big dissapointment! At the age of 20, I moved to the Island of Jamaica to study Theology...yes, an unlikely place to study that; but that's where I went. All I can say is, that I enjoyed the Montego Bay view every single night, so in my book, it was the best place to study Theology. Last time I went to College was at the age of 32, where I did a degree in Respiratory Therapy; only because my son had serious respiratory health issues and I wanted to learn how to take better care of him. Needless to say, ever since, Adrian is a healthy boy! I am now considering two more options: Nursing, and Yeshiva (Jewish College). Nursing because my husband happens to be Diabetic, and I feel I need to learn more about this terrible illness in order to better care for my husband's health needs. Doing Yeshiva would be for my own personal satisfaction.

Right now, I am Homeschooling our children, and I can honestly say that in my case, it is the best option; but I will write more about my experiences as a homeschool mom later on. My children love it and thrive at it. They do not do well in school...trust me, I tried. But, I love having them with me, and being able to teach them and gear them in the right direction as well; without outside influences. They are great kids though, so being 24/7 with them is enjoyable, although very tiring.

I have been through many experiences in my life, that can be counted as less than ordinary, yet, I consider my life to be interesting, and unusual to say the least. I have created this blog to share my life's experiences with anyone out there interested. I will be writing alot about Religion, Parenting, Homeschooling, Marriage, and other subjects as they become relevant throughout my life's experiences. I hope that my writing will somehow be helpful to at least one person a day; that would make the purpose of this blog fulfilled.

I have named my blog A Life Less than Ordinary, because that is what I consider my life to be so far.....and yet, what a ride it has been!!